dave_joseph

you stay away from her.
you stay out of her house.
you dont talk to her.
you dont bum smokes off her.
you dont sell to her.
you stay the fuck away.
you pay me what you owe me.
you pick up your grinder.
and you leave.
for the last time.
capiche?

is wrong wth the new rilo kiley?
jesus.
i want my twenty dollars back. and i haven't even seen the concert yet.

and then all of a sudden it all goes away.
everything you worked so very hard for.
everything you fought for.
you can't see it anymore.
and it hurts.
and then you wonder where in the fuck your life is going.
and why you are still in this soul sucking fuck of a town.
and why you have so so so many friends that you call friends, but really they are barely acquaintances.
and you don't like most of them very much.
and then your best friend left in this soul sucking fuck of a town is blinded by girl.
and you can't really blame him.
but you do, even though you were in the same place 4 months ago.
you just want away from everything and everyone so much that it hurts.
and then it fades away and you fall asleep until tomorrow.
where you will find a new set of problems.
and you will wake up with a slightly modified look of disbelief on your face.
and she still wont be there.
and neither will you.

so i spent time convulsing today at my local dentists office.
it was, uh, new.
she leave tomorrow.
and i get to go back to being so very deressed.
SWeeT

i caved your name
across my eyelids
you pray for rain
i pray for blindness
-A.F.

Am I so lazy?
Do i put myself down all the time?
Say the stupidest things?

idunno.

That's all i have to say about that talentless shitface.
way to be an asshole to a nice guy like me.

Mom, all i have to say to you is that you should have used better condoms.
You were never meant to be a parent.
Ever.

so this weekend was fucking insane.
i woke up at six in the morning on saturday, because going to stonesthrow was like christmas.
we ate junky food all day and drank way better beers and it was ridiculous. i played a sweet set alone, and then one with the singing voices, and one with justin mcdonald band. i actually passed out with my sweetheart at 5 in the morning during the last set i was suposed to play, but i was really bagged and everyone was on too much alcohol/e/acid/mush/adrenaline to give a fuck.

on a completely unrelated note, i feel completely and utterly alone in the world right now.
i feel like i am a horrid boyfriend and say alot of the wrong things.
and i am wayyyy to poor to afford pretty things and dates to nice places like i would like to.
i had a long teary conversation with her tonight.
i don't know how this is going to work next year.
she will not be around.
i will be busy and so will she.
i wonder if i can pull it together.
ah fuck.

I've always been distant
and I've always told lies
for love.

sometimes i feel like i can't do anything right.
i really wonder how i'll get to sleep tonight.
i don't want to argue and i don't want to fight.
but i'm doing it all for you.

i'm taking all the chances that you asked me to take
im making the mistakes i never thought i could make
as real as we are the universe seems fake
'till i come back home to you.

i know you're out there having fun with all of your friends
and that will be enough for you until the night ends.
i'll cal you around 2, but i guess it depends
by then, how I feel about you.